Never Can Say Goodbye
by IAlreadyHaveAPlan
Summary: Rachel goes to Quinn for advice, but Quinn can't bring herself to confess her true feelings. The Faberry bathroom scene from 3x11, written with Quinn's thoughts on it. Spoilers for that episode. NOTE: Dialogue and actions are not mine, RIB did it for me.


**Note:** So I wrote this after watching the Faberry scene from 3x11, so spoilers if you're yet to watch it. Lots of feelings. Thanks to my friend Raichuberry for editing it for me (:

Quinn applied her make up in the bathroom mirror, barely controlling her smile as the lipstick ran over her lips. Her dreams were going to come true. Everything she had worked for, fought for, was going to be hers. There was just one last thing she needed to do, and her life would be perfect.

She'd need courage to pull it off, that she knew; but Rachel Berry was worth every ounce of it. With her letter of acceptance to Yale, Quinn finally felt like she was worth something, that she had something to offer the girl who was so surely off to captivate the world.

"Hey"

Quinn glanced into the mirror, finding Rachel walking over to her as Santana and Brittany left the bathroom.

Right.

Alone with Rachel Berry.

This was it, this was her chance. Quinn lowered her hand, trying to keep her heart rate from taking off, something that seemed to happen whenever the brunette came close.

"Look, I need your advise about… about an adult problem."

Quinn spun around, feeling her eyes grow wide in fear. Her stomach dropped and, yes, there it went, her heart hammered against her chest as her eyes fell on Rachel.

"Holy crap, are you pregnant?"

No. She'd told Rachel not to sleep with Finn. She'd told her to wait! How much clearer could she have been? Before she had a chance to remind herself to breath, Rachel did it for her.

"No!" Rachel exclaimed, glancing over her shoulder before continuing.

"I'm coming to you as a friend and oddly because I also think you're the only person that will give me just a straight forward and a thoughtful answer about this."

"You're right, I'm sorry," Quinn replied quickly, desperately wanting to maintain herself in the light that Rachel saw her. Surely there weren't many people who would describe her as thoughtful, and if how she felt about Rachel was anything to go by, she was a hundred miles from straight.

What was Rachel going to tell her? Why wasn't Rachel looking at her strangely, because Quinn could have sworn her heartbeat was echoing so very loudly around the room. What if Rachel….What if Rachel felt the same way? What if she was going to say she liked girls? What if she liked Quinn?

"Yes."

It took only a second for Quinn to realize she'd said the word out loud, so she quickly followed with,

"I can keep a secret."

Rachel was fidgeting on the spot, looking down at her feet.

"Well, um. Finn asked me to marry him."

Breath escaped Quinn's lungs. At any other moment she would have been painfully aware that she had been extremely unsubtle about it, but this was not the time. Not when it felt like she'd never breath again.

Fighting back tears and attempting to regain whatever composure she had, she spoke the first words that screamed in her mind.

"What did you say?"

Rachel paused, looking like she expected another reaction. Nodding slightly, she still refused to meet Quinn's eyes.

"I said I, I needed to think about it."

With that, Rachel looked up to her, searching. Quinn desperately wished she could think clearly, but the fog that settled over her mind refused to let her think. The thunder of her heart prevented her from hearing anything. Once again, words spilled without her permission.

"Well, you can't."

"Why? I mean, plenty of people get married at our age and I mean I know that we haven't lived together or anything but you know, I love him and… and he's the one, I know it."

Quinn felt her blood go cold, her body slowly freezing over. Rachel's ranting usually warmed her; the girl was the radiant sun to her snowed under heart. Yet this time, she just wanted it to stop. She couldn't hear Rachel talk about how much she loved Finn, the boy who hurt her. Who didn't think she was special.

Quinn would believe the sun wouldn't rise tomorrow before she believed Rachel wasn't special.

Before she knew what she was doing, she extended the letter to the singer. She offered a small smile as Rachel took it on her hands, hands so far away from masculine.

"What's this?" Rachel asked as she unfolded the paper.

This was her chance. Her one thing that she could be proud of. Quinn could hardly contain her smile.

"My ticket out of here."

"I got into Yale, early admissions."

Rachel stared at the piece of paper, reading over it as if not to trust Quinn's words.

"Turns out my essay about overcoming adversity while maintaining a straight A average during a teen pregnancy really worked on the admissions board."

And suddenly, Rachel was looking at her. And suddenly Quinn felt worthy, like for the first time, she was enough. Enough for the girl who deserved to rest on the clouds and collect stars in the night. And suddenly Rachel was speaking.

"Quinn, that's amazing."

And suddenly Rachel was hugging her. Quinn's arms wrapped instinctively around the smaller girl as Rachel rested her chin on her shoulder. The blonde couldn't help but smell the raspberry shampoo of Rachel's hair.

"That's so great." Rachel managed to choke out before she pulled away, nodding furiously and repeating the words again as if to convince herself.

"That's great."

Assuming that Rachel looked so distraught over her lack of a similar offer, Quinn instantly slipped into her reassuring side.

"I'm sure you'll get your NYADA one soon."

"Yeah, I mean, New York mail is notoriously slow so…"

Quinn watched Rachel as she attempted to calm the anxiety that was clearly bubbling inside her mind.

"My point being is that I've dated Finn, Puck, Sam… even thought I loved some of them."

At this, she couldn't help but look pointedly to the girl, who dropped her gaze at the words, looking hurt. Of course she was hurt…who wouldn't be at the implication that the girl before them had once been in love with their boyfriend.

Unless…

Quinn, don't do this to yourself.

"But, by the time the snow falls in New Haven next winter, I won't know why."

Quinn shook her head, trying to allow Rachel to see the truth behind her words. Because her dreams allowed her to believe that she'd be close to Rachel next year. That their friendship could grow and maybe, just maybe, Rachel could be the reason she'd forget about what she had ever considered to be love.

"So, are you saying that Finn and I should break up?"

No, she wouldn't understand. She was with Finn, planning to marry him even.

"I'm all for making the most of the next few months, but I'd hate the idea of dragging an anchor from my past into the bright lights of my future."

That was it. Enough about her. Enough of trying to subtly get her message across, veiled behind cowardly words. She needed Rachel to know that she was special, talented, rare and amazing.

"Rachel, you have an amazing life ahead of you. As hard as it may be, if you want everything that you've ever dreamed of, you're going to have to break up with him."

Rachel turned away, closing her eyes as she leaned back against the bathroom sink.

"That's an awful thing to say."

"Look."

The tone surprised even Quinn herself, reminiscent of the time she'd told Rachel that she didn't belong in Lima. She couldn't help it. Something inside her simply could not stand for the suggestion that Rachel was anything less that she was. Extraordinary.

"You wanted straight and thoughtful. I guess at one point it made sense to love somebody for your whole life, but it doesn't anymore. Women are finding themselves in their 30's now, every magazine says it."

Okay, so maybe it was insane to think that Rachel could love her back. Insane to propose that the brunette hadn't found herself yet, that maybe if she just let Quinn love her, she could love her back. But she was beyond caring. Beyond desperate. She needed Rachel to understand.

"We hardly know what we're going to want in fifteen years."

"I know, Finn and I, we can grow together…."

"Look, Rachel, I –"

She managed to cut herself off before she said something stupid. About to admit her love. To beg endlessly from the brunette to offer her nothing more than a chance, a chance to prove that her love was enough for both of them. A chance to show Rachel that she was worth loving back.

"You and Finn are a lovely couple."

Rachel finally looked back to her, those brown eyes shimmering as they fought back their own tears.

So maybe she wasn't brave enough to say those things aloud. Maybe all she could bring herself to do was hide behind words that would always mean more.

"But if you ever want to be happy…"

The stared at each other.

"You have to say goodbye."


End file.
